September 22, 2013
Not a lot to say tonight as I'm totally
exhausted from the last few days.
But I'm excited & just had to share
that I received a healing message
the other day that is already
changing the path I'm walking.
More to follow but for the next
few hours, I'm going to rest & allow
my mind & my body to have a
break from all that has taken place.
Tonight, all is well with the world.
And for that, I am thankful.
September 15, 2013
Happy Sunday morning! Dumping my worries here so I can go off to the Dollhouse Show this morning without a crowded head. Apologies in advance!
*Resigning from my theatre group this afternoon. I've held the President's job now for 2 full seasons but it's time consuming & we are needing new blood with more creative ideas than I can share right now to carry on. I've given my all & have a great board but it's time to let someone else take the lead. Worried about the reaction of the cast & crew but comfortable in my decision.
*Meeting with my staff tomorrow to do reviews. Worried that my lead teacher will not be happy with what I need to share with her about her change in attitude but hopeful we'll reach a resolution. I'd hate to lose her & don't believe we will but it's always tricky when this is the path we need to embark on. Hopefully she's open to the conversation & willing to find a new way.
*Trying to get our construction journey underway with our new contractor. Yes, that's right, a new one. We will be "firing" the other one this week as her lack of confidence, constant errors on our house plan & interesting communication style (that was meant to be sarcastic) have caused far too much stress in our lives in the last 4 weeks. We are now behind in the process but our new builder is confident he can catch us up without any issues. I love his style already & a weight has been lifted. Worried about the meeting to fire her. I'm sure her reaction will be explosive based on our previous encounters. Thankfully, we hadn't signed anything yet or advanced any funds. Gut feelings pay off sometimes!
*A lack of registrations in my bereavement groups is puzzling. Worried that grieving families are not being given our information. Bereavement in our area is very territorial, which blows my mind, as I'm the guy who gives out every one's stuff so families can decide what program or service is best for them. But finding I'm the only one that does that.
*Wishing my life hadn't become so busy that I have no time or energy for friendships. Worried I'll leave this earth without companionship beyond my family. Feeling lonely & anxious that I have no "circle". I'm the guy that everyone comes to for support, education & advice. But who is there for me, besides my husband & kids, who all have their own lives. I truly understand why some people choose suicide. The pain of daily living can be so overwhelming ....
*Signing a new lease on our centre's space should be an easy process but it's taking weeks to get everything finalized. Worried we'll not get what we want because of the time factor, although to date, the owner has been fine & not pestered us. Still hanging over my head but waiting for board members & our advisor to hurry up & sign!
*Taxes are still sitting on my dining room table to be finalized. Every day, I claim "today is the day". Then my task list gets in the way & suddenly, it's bedtime. Worried they'll call or send a note asking where the forms are. Hopefully, I won't be carted off to jail for not sending in our taxes on time. Refunds are coming our way, but still, I don't like to be late on anything. I did call & they were not worried, just me.
*Finances are great but after doing a breakdown of our building costs yesterday with my guy, we've realized our cushy savings funds may be depleted with the build. We're trying so hard to do this without a mortgage but reality is, we may have to take out a small one to cover the shortfall between the equity in our house, the savings we've amassed & the cost of the build. Worried we'll never get it back to that level again, which in the grand scheme of things, was a bit excessive but made us feel safe & secure. We will build it up & really, at this time in our life, we should be enjoying the security & taking more trips or doing more fun activities.
I'm sure there is a great solution to each of these but they are so crowded in my head, I can't think anymore. We're going to head out to the Dollhouse Show & try to enjoy some time away from the worry. Then it's time to go to my theatre group's Annual General Meeting, where I will graciously step down from the top. That will be one worry to strike off my list before my head hits the pillow later tonight!
How do you handle the worries in your life?
September 14, 2013
Our haul for the weekend at the thrift store. This was all bought yesterday but posted today. We paid full price for each item as everything we chose had a blue tag & the tag color for any sale this week was yellow. The prices were still great & we're happy with each item we chose. Most ended up being purchases for our family centre but a few were for us.
Blue goblet for our kids bathroom
to hold puffs or scented soaps.
For our bathroom.
To hold rolls of toilet paper.
Bright frames for our preschool.
Picture frame for us!
Price: .50 cents.
For our support group meetings.
Price: .50 cents.
For our support group meetings.
Tea cozy for our little tea pot.
Price: .50 cents.
For our staff room to hang
on the fridge or whiteboard.
For our Antique Mall Booth.
Price: .50 cents.
For our preschool.
Kids will love this game!
Grand total: $10.
Sharing at The Thrifty Groove.
How was your thrifty shopping this week?
September 9, 2013
Long night last night, trying to make decisions about commitments that are proving to be more taxing than I was anticipating. In June, I was elected to a national board as the President. This is an organization I've been involved with for the last 14 years. It's an honor to be asked to take on this responsibility. I set aside other engagements so I could fully concentrate & do a good job.
But 12 weeks in, I'm ready to quit!!
Anyone who knows me well, knows I'm not a quitter. I will fight to the bitter end to finish a project or tackle an issue. I am an activist who has strong beliefs in certain areas, especially around health, the environment & education. I will not take on something unless I can give it my full attention.
But this is different.
I feel misled. I feel disillusioned. I feel let down. I feel trapped. I feel overwhelmed. I feel angry. I feel exhausted. I feel hopeless.
But I can't quit, because if I do, the way this organization has been running will not change. There is indications of fraud on the bank account & disorganization around the structure. All of my research, hundreds of hours, show that the previous leader was not truthful in her leadership. It is clear she did not fulfill the duties of her presidency in an honorable manner. She left the mess to me but ironically, she's still involved. She refused to step away from the organization & convinced the current board members that she'd be so valuable in a new non-board position. They agreed, as no one else really wants that job anyway but I'm now wishing they had said no, as her continued involvement is making this mess even worse.
Last night, after repeated emails back & forth between the two of us, she finally called in tears & we talked for an hour. Clearly, we are at opposite ends in terms of what needs to be done to get this mess straightened out. Her husband, who behind her back has been sending me nasty emails, was also involved in the call, but I won't be bullied & I hope he's getting that idea, as I didn't back down. We didn't solve anything last night but did agree to hold a meeting with all board members, either in person or by Skype in October. I sent out a note & so far, only one can attend in person, so a Skype approach will have to be executed.
But that's not good enough now. She wants a face to face with myself & other board members, to, in her words "let them see what kind of leader you've turned out to be, far different from what we thought we were getting," What? Because I'm asking the critical questions & laying a new path, now I'm a terrible leader.
So decisions need to be made. I stay, go thru the process, lose a few people in the process but the organization survives. Or I quit, leave the mess in her hands & walk away, knowing I did what I could.
Ugh, I hate stuff like this!! Childbirth without drugs, au natural, is seriously less painful ....